Claire

How are you feeling today?

On the whole not too bad. I have a lot of issues with levelling hormones through my HRT after I had a hysterectomy in my late 30's, this gives me a lot of days when my brain is foggy, my moods swing back and forth and I get more tired or anxious, however, today I feel a bit more like myself which is always a huge blessing to my day and a relief. Even though it's many years since our initial journey with infertility and knowing we would most likely be childless, I'm finding myself in a period of processing a new level of the grief recently and realising all I'm missing out in new and different ways. So the days are all a bit different.

What are you most proud of?

I've been through a lot of trying times with my health, jobs, infertility (on my husband's side), loss, but I've never given up, I'm always trying to get up again and do more, be more. I'm proud of that, it would have been so much easier to give in to the sadness and pain and become a victim to my situation, but I never want to give up trying to be a better me.

What is your biggest learning in life so far?

That life isn't easy for anyone. The trials aren't personal. There is still much to be enjoyed in this life and world, but it's a daily choice to find it, rather than a given that it will find you.

What are your hopes for the future?

Oh I have many! I hope to regain my health so I don't live day-to-day hoping I'll feel well, I hope to find a complete peace with our childless situation and to enjoy all the amazing things that can be achieved through it. I want to reach a place where I enjoy life with my grief, instead of fighting with it.

Just over a year ago I started a podcast called The Silent Why, which came out of our journey with childlessness. We're on a mission to find 101 losses to see if hope can be found in every type of grief. We wanted to show people that not all losses are bereavements (even though they are a large part of loss). My hope for this is that it helps many people feel less alone in their loss, whatever it might be; a person, a dream, an ability, a career, an achievement, a limb, a sense, an object, a family etc. I have big dreams for spreading this message, through my podcast episodes, blogs and writing. My biggest hope, and a life goal, is to write and publish fiction that shows people the beauty and hope that can come through losses like childlessness and loneliness.

What would you tell your younger self?

Strap in kid, it's going to be a bumpy ride! But you'll meet an amazing man that will be with you every step of the way, and they'll rarely be a day he doesn't make you smile, even in the middle of all the mess.

Oh and shoot for the stars with a career - go hard after anything you think you'll love, regardless of if you're any good at it! Your life won't look like everyone else's around you, so make it different from the start. Would be really useful to take up a sport you love that keeps you fit too, because they'll be a lot of cake ahead.

When or where are you happiest?

Weirdly, it's when I'm in other people's fictional worlds. At the end of the day, especially when it's cold, easing into a hot bubble bath with a good book, or sitting on the sofa with a cup of tea and an exceptionally written drama or comedy, or sitting on a sunbed on holiday and diving into a novel, is just pure bliss for me. An escape from the day-to-day into another world that's beautifully put together, is something I can't get enough of. I also enjoy writing fiction myself and sometimes when I read it back and I surprise myself with something that feels well done - that's a great feeling. I aspire to be the name on the end of 'Written by' one day.

What would you like to say to wider society?

I'd like to bust a few assumptions that can be very hurtful and damaging to childless people:

- Some childless people are very open about their pain, some step out of certain parts of society because it's too hard, some choices/actions they make show that their life is painful, but many carry their wounds silently inside in order to try and find their place in society - don't assume it hurts any less.

- A person/couple can be heart-broken about not having children, without having to resort to the desperation of trying every option available to get one. Not all options are right for everyone, and those decisions are very hard to make. The pain of childlessness and infertility is not fixed by just 'getting a child'.

- If you know childless people - don't assume they don't want to be around children, don't assume they do want to be around children, don't assume they don't want to hold the baby, don't assume they definitely want to hold the baby, don't assume they want space, don't assume they wouldn't want to come, don't assume they will always come - ask us. Talk to us. Understand us.