Charlie

How are you feeling today?

I’m feeling pretty well today.  It took a few years to get to the point of being able to say that, but I can say it now without it feeling untruthful.

What are you most proud of?

I’m most proud of the fact that my husband and I survived the infertility journey together, and we came out of it as best friends.  There were times during the journey I was scared I’d end up alone (in every sense), but I’m proud of us for putting in the work and prioritizing our relationship to go the distance.

What is your biggest learning in life so far?

The biggest thing I’ve learned is that in order to come out of this alive, you have to be somewhat selfish.  And that’s ok.  It doesn’t make you a bad person, it doesn’t even make you a selfish person.  To me, you have to prioritize self-care, and get over the feelings of guilt and shame that society and even we, as the individual, put on ourselves.  Set boundaries and keep them. You do not have to justify your self-care to anyone else, even your partner.  You’re not required to set yourself on fire to save everyone else.

What are your hopes for the future?

My hopes for the future are that I can continue living the life I’ve made for myself and my little family.  I want to continue to travel, spend quality time with friends and family while we’re all here, and be content in my own little corner of the world.  But I also want to use my experience to educate others, particularly women, about what to look out for on an infertility journey, and also how to move forward beyond it.

What would you tell your younger self?

I would tell her that life isn’t going to turn out how you think it will, but it’ll still be worth it. I would tell her to educate herself more about fertility and her body.  All I was ever taught in school around it was “don’t have sex until you’re married” or “if you’re going to have sex, make sure you’re on birth control.”  And while I’m not arguing against those ideas, particularly for teen girls, no one taught my generation the side effects of being on birth control for long periods of time (I’m talking 20 years for me personally), and how that can really affect our fertility later on.  I would also tell her to always advocate for herself when it comes to her body and her mind.  You know yourself better than any doctor or professional ever will.  Don’t take no for an answer if it doesn’t solve your problem.  

I’d also tell her that her ability to have children does not define her as a human being or as a woman. Reproductive ability is not a measure of womanhood.  Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

When or where are you happiest?

For me personally, I’m happiest on the back of a horse.  It’s the one place in the world where my brain shuts out the million other thoughts that run through it on a daily basis and I’m truly only thinking about the feel of the animal underneath me.  

I’m also happy when I’m at home with my husband and my two dogs.  With the freedom to work on my business and do the things that fill my emotional and mental cups.

What would you like to say to wider society?

I would say open your eyes and let a woman’s reproductive business be HER business and hers alone.  Stop asking a woman when she’s going to have kids.  Stop asking a woman with a child when she’s going to have another.  We need to normalize that a woman’s body is her own, and you don’t get an opinion on it.  I’d also like to say that not everyone that has children is fertile, and not everyone that does not have children is infertile.  Like anything else with humans, it’s not black and white.