Sarah

How are you feeling today?

Today I feel quite content and a little anxious for no apparent reason. I’m looking forward to meeting a friend for lunch.

What are you most proud of?

I’m most proud of my own business, Apricot Lane Coaching. I put myself through coaching training while I was still a teacher, then I had the chance to leave teaching and commit to working for myself. This was a big step for me and I’m proud of how brave I was. A few years later, my business is thriving and includes coaching to move forwards from unplanned childlessness. More and more childless clients are finding me and I’m proud to advocate for the childless community. So much pride!!

What is your biggest learning in life so far?

My biggest learning is that fertility has a shelf life, but I learned that too late for it to be useful! My most helpful learning is that there is no shame in being different and self-acceptance is liberating.

What are your hopes for the future?

My hopes for the future - contentment, independence, security, and connection with people I love and who love me in return.

What would you tell your younger self?

What would I tell my younger self? So many things! Have children while you’re still young, but if you don’t, that’s ok too and life will be fulfilling and happy in so many other ways; Invest your time and energy in family and friendships; wear eyeliner – it suits you; Talk with your grandparents about your family history before it’s too late; You’re great by yourself; Find the joy – and notice it; There will be many cats! You’re not fat; Take better care of your knees; When you’re 50 you won’t be bothered by what other people think, so maybe try and get to that mindset sooner; And to my 38 year old self – none of this is your fault, you are worth so much more and you will be ok. 

When or where are you happiest?

I’m happier with life now than I’ve ever been, and happiest in the summer, in my garden. I was lucky to have a happy childhood, which I think predisposes me to a happy mindset. My most joyful times have been family seaside holidays, raising kittens from birth, watching Gloucester rugby and Coldplay live and standing on top of hills.

What would you like to say to wider society?

To the non-childless world – Don’t make assumptions. Don’t assume everyone has children. Don’t assume those that don’t have children have made that choice. Don’t assume they have less capacity for love than you do. Don’t assume that “as a parent…” you’re in some way superior to those of us without children. Don’t assume everyone likes your children as much as you do. Don’t assume it’s interesting when you constantly talk about your children. Don’t assume you know what it’s like to not have children when you wanted them. Do ask your childless friend if they would like to talk about it. Don’t assume they will want to. Don’t assume you can fix things for them. Don’t assume there is only one route to happiness. Listen, ask, observe, share, accept – don’t assume.