Karen
How are you feeling today?
I am feeling ok today – some days are good, some less so.
What are you most proud of?
I am most proud of my music making. I play bassoon in orchestras and ensembles and sing in chamber choirs and vocal consorts. I am very proud of having taught many dozens of pupils the bassoon, over 40 years – the main thing is getting them to the stage where they can enjoy playing music with other people, rather than necessarily the standard they achieve. It’s heartwarming to watch and hear their development.
What is your biggest learning in life so far?
The thing I have learnt is to have more patience with myself, and to be kinder to myself and others when things go wrong.
What are your hopes for the future?
My future hope is that I can find some meaningful and fulfilling voluntary activity now that I am retired (after 43 years continuous service), and that I will not be lonely in my old age, with no children to talk to or support me with the small things which make a big difference to independent living.
What would you tell your younger self?
I would tell my younger self that going through infertility treatment is incredibly tough, and dealing with childlessness in a pronatalist society very challenging. I would definitely tell her to get counselling, as it can be very hard on your mental wellbeing. Disenfranchised grief is very real, and long lasting – look it up!
When or where are you happiest?
I am happiest when out in nature, bird watching, or talking to my husband of 44 years.
What would you like to say to wider society?
Wider society needs to recognise that there are other groups who suffer from discrimination apart from the ones which first spring to mind. Those without children who desperately wanted them should be acknowledged, listened to, and not made to feel ‘other’ when the conversations turn to what the children/grandchildren are up to. Ask about our activities, holidays, gardens – whatever we are keen on - and keep those child centred conversations to groups where everyone can join in.